Au Lac Hotel, Saigon 10:30 pm

I sit in my hotel room trying to find rest. I have been working so hard that my body has gotten so used to this annoying restlessness. Eating has become a necessary bore, sleep a luxury. If I really dig deep, I think i'd come to the common conclusion that I am suffering from that proverbial "doing a lot but feeling empty" syndrome. It's true, Man is strange, he always finds some reason to feel not good enough. I'm no exception! I should actually be the happiest man on earth - I have a great career thats looking up, My peers like me, my colleagues respect me, I am not lacking in suitors, I travel a lot, I have children to fill my life with laughter and meaning, I have GOD in my heart! I'm what aspirants call a self-actualized human being. So, why am I restless? why can't I be still and just be?... Whats bothering me tonight?

In retrospect, I spent most of my day in the editing room forming and curing the nth TV commercial of my fabulous career. I'm being catty to myself :/ As i watched what I was doing and listened to my agency creative director praise me for the good work I have been doing, I examined my own work and thought to myself, "thats good for you?...it's crap!". I suffer from fear of being mediocre. I habitually backslide towards self-chastisement. Silly. It's really silly. It's the devil whispering stupid stuff in my mind!

This sweet madness...this glorious sadness!

I think i just miss being in love.
But, I'm liking my freedom.

I think maybe i just miss home.
But, i love Saigon too.

I'm confused.
But, I know where I'm going

Stuff it...all will turn out good.